Stay Cool: The Art of Managing Emotions Under Pressure

Managing emotions is one of those things that we all know is important, but sometimes we don’t realise how crucial it is until we’re in the thick of it. Whether you're navigating your own emotional world or dealing with others’ feelings, being able to manage emotions is key to showing up as your authentic self.

Let me tell you about a situation I found myself in recently—it was a real eye-opener for me. I was feeling emotionally charged because I thought my decision was being called into question. That feeling of not being trusted? It got to me. I felt frustrated, and I let the emotions take over. Instead of stepping back to check the facts, I charged ahead, convinced I was in the right.

It wasn’t until I took a breather and went back to look at the facts objectively that I realised... I was wrong. It was a humbling moment, and I had to go back and apologise, admitting that I let my emotions cloud my judgement. It was a powerful reminder that, while emotions are valid, we always need to balance them with facts. And, let’s be honest, it’s not always easy!

This experience got me thinking: how can we better manage our emotions? How can we stop emotions from taking over, and how can we handle other people’s emotions without getting overwhelmed?

 Facts vs. Feelings: The Emotional Tug-of-War

Have you ever been so emotionally wrapped up in a situation that you couldn’t separate the facts from the feelings? It happens to all of us. The truth is, emotions are there to help guide us, but sometimes they lead us astray. We react to how we feel about the situation rather than what’s actually happening.

That’s where the power of separating facts from feelings comes in. It’s about taking a step back and asking yourself: “What are the actual facts here? What are the feelings I’m bringing to the table?” Both are important, but we need to be clear on the difference if we’re going to make sound decisions.

 Managing Other People’s Emotions

Now, it’s not just about your emotions—you’ve also got to manage other people’s emotions. And that can be even trickier, especially when someone’s stress or frustration starts to affect you.

Here’s a question I ask myself: Am I comfortable managing others’ emotions? It’s an interesting one because, for many of us, it’s hard to know how to handle other people’s emotional responses without getting dragged into them. But with empathy, you can learn to navigate this. It’s about recognising when someone else is stressed or upset and responding thoughtfully, without letting it overwhelm you.

In-the-Moment Struggles: When Emotions Cloud Your Judgement

A lot of my clients tell me the same thing: it’s easy to recognise that emotions clouded their judgement after the fact, but in the moment? That’s where it gets tough. Science backs this up too—when emotions run high, the brain's amygdala (the part responsible for fight-or-flight responses) takes over, and we lose access to our more rational, logical brain.

 So how do you pull yourself out of that emotional spiral in the moment? One effective tip is grounding—using your five senses to reconnect with your environment. Try focusing on what you can see, hear, or feel around you, like the texture of the chair you're sitting on or the sound of a clock ticking. This breaks the cycle of emotional overwhelm by shifting your brain back to the present.

Another approach is using PQ reps (positive intelligence repetitions), which combine simple techniques like breathing or pressing two fingers together. It takes just a few seconds, but it helps activate the sage part of your brain, bringing you back into a calmer, more balanced state

 Bringing More Science into the Mix

We’ve touched on how the brain's amygdala can hijack our ability to think clearly when emotions run high. But the good news is that we can counter this with some simple practices. Activating the brain’s sage mode (a concept from Positive Intelligence) is one of the most effective ways to shift out of that reactive state and regain calm and clarity.

In addition to techniques like grounding and PQ reps, engaging in regular mindfulness or meditation can build your ability to stay in sage mode for longer. These practices strengthen your ability to manage emotions not only in the heat of the moment but also before they even arise.

“That all sounds great Jo but what tips do you have to help me manage my emotions?”

I hear you! We’ve covered a lot about the why, but what about the how? Let’s dive into some practical tips that can help you manage emotions, both your own and others’.

1. Label Your Emotions: When emotions feel overwhelming, the first step is to name them. Are you angry, frustrated, disappointed? Labelling your emotions helps bring awareness to them, making them easier to manage.

2. Reframe Negative Emotions: Instead of seeing emotions like anger or frustration as purely negative, try to see them as signals. Ask yourself: “What is this emotion trying to tell me?” This can shift your perspective from reacting to problem-solving.

3. Practice Emotional Detachment: When emotions are high, step back. Imagine you’re an observer rather than a participant. Focus on the facts, and allow yourself a bit of distance from the situation before reacting.

4. Manage Triggers: If certain situations or people always trigger an emotional reaction, recognising this can help you prepare for it. When you know a trigger is coming, you can manage your response more effectively.

5. Use Empathy with Others: When managing others’ emotions, listen and reflect back what you hear. For example, “I can see you’re feeling frustrated about X.” This helps them feel understood and can reduce emotional tension.

6. Breathe and Be Present: The next time you feel emotions rising, take a few deep breaths. Use a technique like box breathing to calm your nervous system. Focusing on something tangible in the moment can also bring you back to a place of control.

 Conclusion:

Managing emotions isn’t about suppressing or ignoring them. It’s about recognising when they’re helpful, when they’re not, and how to navigate them in a way that allows you to show up authentically—for yourself and for others. Sometimes, it means stepping back and reassessing the facts. Other times, it’s about tuning into the emotions of those around you, practising empathy without losing your own centre.

For me, that moment when I realised I had let my emotions cloud the facts was a powerful reminder of how important it is to stay balanced. And admitting I was wrong? Well, that’s a story for another day!